Perhaps it was a mom fail, but the look on his face said otherwise.
Recently, Dr. Amen, a renowned psychologist, corrected me. In a parenting episode, he metaphorically rapped my hands with his words, saying, “I often say, of you do too much for your kids you build your self-esteem by stealing theirs.”
That statement stuck with me. I immediately thought of my five-year-old—our last baby. Truth be told, I’d love for him to stay little forever.
But I digress.
With Dr. Amen’s words ringing in my ears, I had an idea when we returned home from an errand Monday.
I’ve watched my son on the monkey bars—this kid is strong! Upper body and quads for days…at just five years old!
So, I did what any repentant parent would do: I put the kid to work. After all, building a sense of productive accomplishment was the goal.
I asked my son to roll the empty trash bin to the house fence. He hesitated, saying he couldn’t. But I insisted.
To my surprise, after one pushback, he went for it. I stayed outside the garage, observing—knowing he could handle it.
But there was one problem. It didn’t look as easy as I had imagined. Still, he got it done and returned to the car with a smile.
As he climbed back into the car before we pulled into the garage, I told him, “See? I knew you could do it.”
The look on his face wasn’t pride—it was a sense of accomplishment. A deep, self-assured, albeit unspoken, “Mommy believed in me, and I proved her right.”
I just had to snap a picture of that moment to capture it forever:
There was just one small catch.
About 30–45 minutes after getting home, I heard the garbage truck collecting bins across the street. That’s when it hit me.
The trash bin I had my son roll to the fence… might not have been emptied after all.
I rushed to the side of the house to check, and sure enough—it was halfway full. No wonder he struggled, rolling it down the sloped grass toward the fence!
Despite this little mishap, it reassured me that I can build my not-so-little Cal’s self-esteem in his productivity by giving him opportunities to figure things out on his own. By challenging him to push past his doubts. By inviting him to believe he can do more than he thinks.
Within limits, of course.
Let’s just say next time, I’ll double-check that the trash bin is actually empty. Even with his strong little 45-pound frame, there’s still a line to be drawn.
Moral of the story?
As Dr. Amen would put it: Don’t rob their self-esteem to build yours.
Believe they can, and they will rise to the occasion. Even after some resistance, they’ll be better for it—learning that the “T” in “CAN’T” can actually be replaced with “TRY.
“I CAN’Try.”